It’s Blaine’s fault

While toymaker Mattel’s profits rose in the last quarter, superslim fashion doll and friend to anorexics everywhere Barbie saw her own sales fall 13% worldwide, including a 15% drop here in her homeland of the United States of Plastic.
Barbie issued a statement saying, “It’s of course disappointing that more little girls didn’t want to fondle and undress me and try to stick my weird, pointy feet into some pink rubber fuck-me pumps, but I have to wonder whether or not my new boyfriend, Australian surfer hunk Blaine, isn’t denting my overall sales figures. I know that when it was Ken and me, no one ever worried about selling another special edition teen-whore doll.”
Ken, in seclusion on Fire Island, had no comment.

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