That was no monkey, that was my…

In what could be one of the most important scientific discoveries in decades, what may be a new breed of primate has been discovered – a tree nesting not an ape / bigger than a chimp. Oh sure they call it something else, but for now, I’m going with the German tradition of naming things without names by stringing a bunch of words together. They stand up to two metres tall, the size of gorillas, but unlike gorillas, they nest on the ground, not in trees. According to local villagers, the apes living in the remote forests of northern DR Congo are ferocious, and even capable of killing lions. There is concern poachers will wipe them out before they figure out if they’re half breed ape chimps or just the most giant chimps ever, or truly a heretofore undocumented species, but if you were going to eat chimp, would you really want it poached? I think grilled would be the way to go, to help get rid of the game-y taste, but that’s just me.

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