Baked Alaska

If you’ve never been to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and you can make the trip, please do it. You’ll love it; it’s beautiful. But go soon, because we commence drilling soon. ‘Cause under all those trees and lakes and birds and stupid moose there’s about a six pack full of OIL! It might be hard to get to, sure, but it’s there. And as Americans we’re entitled to get at it.
Alaska Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski, who drives her Hummer the half-block from her house to the Quickie Mart for her Virginia Slims 100’s in the green hard-pack and oh what the hell let’s pick up some Vagisil while we’re here, said opening up the refuge would be sensible policy.

“The price of oil just jumped up to 56 bucks a barrel this morning,” she noted minutes before the vote.

Senator Kerry, L-Pres, who’s had his head so far up his ass he was BOUND to rediscover his balls while coming up for air, had this to say:

“This is more than a battle over the wildlife refuge. It’s a battle over two very different visions of our energy future.”

Put the Repulican Party, currently fascinated with setting up The End of Days, really couldn’t give a moose’s ass about any kind of future right now.

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