Satan: Too busy to worry about the braindead

An image of Satan has appeared on a turtle’s shell in Indiana after a fire burned down Dora’s A-Dora-Ble Pet Shop. The owner, Bryan Dora, is convinced that the image proves that Satan is sending a sign about the turtle, which was the only creature to survive the fire.
“To me, it’s too coincidental that the only thing to come out unscathed would have this image on it,” he said, wild-eyed, gesticulating and flailing about as if in a trance.
The U.S. Congress has called a special session to pass a bill that would make it illegal for the turtle to hold public office or drive a vehicle on federal roadways. George W. Bush, taking a break from his 268-day Texas vacation, returned to the White House and said, “It’s the government’s duty to shield the public from satanic turtles.”
Satan had no official statement, but his office issued a short mocking high-pitched laugh and then went back to pasting stickers in biology text books about the dangers of the theory of evolution.

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