Deathrace 2005½

“Well, as predicted, Terri has won the race. There was a good last-minute challenge by Rev. Falwell, and The Pope tried valiently to die but was put on nasal tubing, so it appears…”
“Wait! Look! Terri just tripped over something! It looks like… it is! It’s Johnnie Cochran! Oh my! Now that, friends, is what ‘come from behind’ truly means!”
“I don’t think anyone expected this, and look at the faces of Jerry, John Paul and Rainier!”
“Shock, that’s what I see, shock and dismay.”
“And Terri is crushed. She’s spent years training for this moment, only to have her victory snatched from her at the end by a dark horse…”
“Um, I’d be careful with that cliché if I were you.”
“What? Oh. Yeah, maybe you’re right.”
“At any rate, what a race! What a race, ladies and gentlemen. It was Terri all the way to the end, but she’ll have to settle for a silver.”
“Do you think we might get a word from the winner?”
“I doubt he’ll be speaking to anyone ever again, but I’ve said as much before and been proven wrong.”
“Thanks for listening, folks, and now our correspondent at the Michael Jackson trial has some late-breaking news about Diet Coke or Jesus or something…”

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