Star Wars: Episode XVII: Return of the Advance on Toy Licensing Fees

In what is either very good or extremely bad news (and we always tend to hope for the latter, as you know) George Lucas has announced that the Star Wars franchise of really confusing sci-fantasy films about free trade agreements will be extended by a new TV series that will take place between Episode III and Episode IV.
He announced also that the cartoon version of his “epic,” The Clone Wars, will become a 30-minute 3-D animated series designed to drive sales of his new line of Star Wars pharmaceuticals, including Tatooine Tylenol and St. Joseph’s Aspirin for really horrible child actors.
Luckily for Star Wars fans, the man who nearly ruined his own franchise will only be peripherally involved in the production of the two shows, planning to spend his free time going back to his original films and re-re-editing them for theatrical release as 3-D porn, finally stripping that metal bikini off Princess Leia’s slave outfit to make nerds everywhere prematurely ejaculate more cash into his coffers.

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