Dawson’s Crackpot

Tom Cruise can deny that he’s a lot of things (insane, gay, short, gay, weird, gay… gay) but one thing’s for sure, as a Scientology guru he’s doing pretty good. After dating Katie Holmes and throwing a batshit batty hullabalu on Oprah about how batty in love he is, she’s now saying that Cruise’s wacky, way-out, sci-fi religion is the road for her.
She can now join Cruise, John Travola (also not gay at all), Kirstie Alley, Isaac Hayes, Karen Black (not cross-eyed) and Sonny Bono (definitely dead) on the train to Looneyville, where they can all enjoy not using drugs together while getting clear by ridding herself of the souls of dead alien superbeings. But at least she won’t be drinking anyone’s blood.
That we know of.

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