Need: Personal jump-starter.

I just cannot get going today, for some reason. The coffee is doing nothing, I am sitting at the computer with, like, three projects to work on and none of them are cranking my ‘nads, as it were, and the sky is gray and the cat is sleeping and it’s one week to Xmas and I just cannot get going.

I see the need for a personal jump-starter, some sort of contrivance that you hook up to… what? Your nipples? Nipples jumps to mind. You hook it up to your nipples and it does for you what it would do for a car, just get everything humping, so to speak, and on its way.

I am also struck by the fact that I’ve used “nipples,” “humping,” and “cranking my ‘nads” in the authoring of this post, suggesting that I don’t so much need a machine to jolt me as something (or someone) a bit more personal in nature.

As if that is, in any way, a surprise.

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