Author Archives: The Crew

A Natural Disaster

Earthquakes, volcanos, tidal waves, Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin. Is there no end to the nightmares we must suffer as residents of planet Earth? Continue reading

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Ebert’s Game

What we’d like to do, if you’ll allow, is to compare a few of the games we’ve made available for our employees in The Game Room with famous works of what is generally recognized to be “art,” just to see, you know, if they’re in the same ball park, so to speak. Continue reading

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The Perfect Sandwich

This is America, god damn it. This is fried chicken and bacon country. This is the land that invented the drive-thru and the ATM. So if you hate the Double Down, it’s clear that you hate America. Continue reading

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What Drug Does One Take to Recover From Prescription Drug Commercials?

So the drug manufacturer, thinking either “Now we can help all those poor, unfortunate bald eyelid sufferers” or, more likely, “Now we can rake in more dough with a narrowly-defined drug by making women ashamed of yet another physical feature which has no actual bearing on their health or happiness!” (the latter, we’re guessing) and they grabbed Brooke to bemoan publicly that her lashes simply cannot hold up to comparison with the caterpillariness of her Andy Rooney eyebrows, and a new market was born. Continue reading

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24-Hour Party People

Having problems because you’re rich? We’ll take all that filthy lucre off your hands and spend it wisely on things like shoes, fresh flowers, indoor hot tubs and wall-to-wall shag. Because frankly, old white dudes, we’re feeling about as sorry for you as we do for… someone we couldn’t give a rat’s ass about. Continue reading

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Wait, What?

Wanna know a secret, just between us girls? We are kinda into that Sarah Palin bitch. I mean, who else do you know who’s that stupid and that popular? Dumb and hot is hot and dumb! If “dumb” means “hot.” Continue reading

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Counting from Fifteen

We don’t know what we’re going to do, yet. The plans aren’t dry, and the contractors aren’t hired. Hell, at this point we don’t even have a budget or a schedule. All we know is that we are once again marching forward into that bright, hot tomorrow with a fresh, clean Pee Chee folder, a fresh set of Dixon Ticonderogas (#2) and a pink eraser with the imprinted label still clear to read. There’s an unopened package of college-ruled paper on the desk and the school bell is about to ring. Continue reading

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Fourteen and Counting

On April 14, 2010, glassdog.com turns 14 years old. Huzzah! Thanks! Continue reading

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Pray For Something!

It surely must be the end of the world if people are down on the knees, hands clasped, praying to their higher power that George W. Bush remains in office forever as a sort of holy, God on Earth representative. … Continue reading

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30 Seconds! My girlfriend should be so lucky!

There are so many reasons why this article makes me wish that it had ended in a beach covered in bloody foam. It is about a shark “attack” in Bodega Bay this weekend. 1. The “victim” was a 44-year old … Continue reading

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