Author Archives: Dick Septic

Pick-a-Pope

Catholic? Gambling problem? 12 mouths to feed on one salary? Not to worry, Jim. Take the safe bet on the Eye-talian and get $5 on your $2; or let the Holy Spirit guide you to the Indian Cardinal that pays … Continue reading

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Pope Dead, Then Not Dead

Both CNN and the NY Times have reported that the Pope is dead, only to retract the news within minutes. Catholics everywhere rejoice in Miracle of Papal Resurrection, while Florida prepares for a ballot recount. Glassdog has learned that the … Continue reading

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BREAKING NEWS: Frank Perdue has died!

UNCONFIRMED: Wire services reports are still conflicting, and official notification lacking, but Glassdog World Headquarters has been informed by knowledgeable chicken sources that Frank Perdue has, in fact, died.

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Cranberry Juice

To add insult to injury, the Pope has a urinary tract infection. I suggest pouring some cranberry juice in that tube thingie.

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Delay is such an asshole

Now that Terry Schiavo is dead, George W. Bush, who presided over an assload of executions as Governor of Texas and is marching the planet to religious Armaggedon, is urging Americans to “build a culture of life“. Tom DeLay, who … Continue reading

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The God of Irony

Oh delicious irony… The Pope is now being kept alive through a tube. The Catholic Church, who was pretty vocal in the Terri Schiavo mess, is now sweating out the possibility that their CEO, who gets appointed for life, might … Continue reading

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Sugar Bush Squirrel

Sugar Bush Squirrel is boosting the morale of our military troops everywhere by posing for humorous photos in military clothing with guns, tanks, planes and helicopters while wearing helmets, camouflage caps and a turban.

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How To Do a Living Will

What should be a private matter has already grown too far out of control and I have nothing to add in the matter. As a public service, here’s how to start the Living Will process. Congress should be ashamed.

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Baked Alaska

If you’ve never been to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and you can make the trip, please do it. You’ll love it; it’s beautiful. But go soon, because we commence drilling soon. ‘Cause under all those trees and lakes and … Continue reading

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Special Alert: Comics MAY not be factual!

Several newspapers passed on running today’s Boondocks comic because it “presents inaccurate information as fact.” Not sure what they’re seeing as innacurate. Bush did, in fact, admit to smoking weed. “I wouldn’t answer the marijuana questions,” he said, according to … Continue reading

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