Author Archives: Dick Septic

The Gates come down

The Gates, beloved by every single person on the planet unless you are evil and have no soul, are being evicted from Central Park today. The take-down process is expected to go quickly. “The aluminum is going to become cans … Continue reading

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The Web will eat itself and its children

Today both Wired News and Red Herring had articles about internet housewife Jason Kottke’s plunge into full-time blogging, which I found about by reading Mr. Kottke’s blog. Both pieces quoted liberally from Mr. Kottke’s previous post announcing his new decision … Continue reading

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When I hear the word ‘art’ I pull out my checkbook

…or log in to eBay. Well, I certainly take back all the bitching I did about The Gates. In fact, I might have to go ahead and get myself a swatch. The piece is not only moving; it’s apparently moving … Continue reading

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Rum, Sodomy and The Lash!

The Queen’s Navy (too easy), which five years ago lifted a ban on homosexuality, has decided to start actively recruiting the little buggers. Commodore Paul Docherty, director of naval life management and soon to be promoted to Rear Admiral, said … Continue reading

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soft soft booby nipple kitty

Two former employees of the Gorilla Foundation, home to Koko the “talking” ape, have filed a lawsuit contending that they were ordered to bond with the 33-year-old female simian by displaying their breasts. ‘Koko, you see my nipples all the … Continue reading

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We’re rolling back labor laws to 1911!*

Local mom’n’pop shop Wal-Mart has very quietly settled a 24-count child labor lawsuit for $135,000.00. Lemmee spell that out so there’s no confusion, that’s one hundred and thirty five THOUSAND dollars, or roughly what their lawyer found between the couch … Continue reading

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Wedding Bells!

Everyone loves a wedding! Mary Kay Letourneau, everyone’s favorite grade school teacher and convicted child rapist, is making an honest man out of her little one. That’s right, Mary and Vili are tying the knot! You really should get them … Continue reading

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More On The Gates…

The Washington Post does a fairly good job of ripping The Gates a new asshole. It’s amazing how small the artistic return can be on a piece that fills 850 acres in the middle of one of the world’s great … Continue reading

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Behold The Saffron Gates

The latest Christo massive endeavor unfurled today in Central Park. Christo, who is to public art what the Three Tenors are to classical music and what Up With People is to homoerotic dinner theater, describes the piece as a “visual … Continue reading

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Sarah Jessica Parker to Launch Fragrance

…Beavis and Butthead to stand behind her and light match. (I truly apologize. But, damn, I wish I’d written that headline.)

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