You know how dumb kids are, right? You might even be a kid, and I'm here to tell you, for your own good, you're an imbicile. So much so that the American Medical Association wants to protect you from yourself and your need to sport a "healthy" tan. They want to prohibit anyone under 18 from using indoor tanning beds because you're too stupid to realize that you're slowly killing your skin in an effort to look more tropical. Also: you're fat, you drink too much, and all those video games you play are too violent for you, so let's also...

Apparently, New York City has an ass crack problem, and not just with its plumbers. Men of every stripe (but, one hopes, more of the fit and muscular than the flabby and sagging) are lowering their wasitbands and exposing inches of butt cleavage and pube tips. These aren't the baggy jeans that skater punks and hip-hop wannabes of yore used to lower to their knees, these are the $150+ per pair designer jeans from Seven, Prada and Blue Cult that line the racks of trendy boutiques -- and in some cases, the boys are wearing the girls' styles. If, in fact, New...

What the hell has Priscilla Presley been doing to her face? Honestly, the woman looks like one of those androids from "I, Robot" or Bjork in her video for All is Full of Love. Or maybe it's more Cowardly Lion I'm seeing. It's as if she could open her mouth and swallow Oprah whole. Scary, scary. ...

In 1986, Russell Christoff, a model living in Los Angeles, did a 2-hour modelling session for Nestle and then never heard from them again. Flash forward to 2002, when he went out shopping and saw his own face on a jar of Taster's Choice and decided to sue the company for using his image without compensation. Mr. Christoff was just awarded $15.6 million for his pain and suffering by a jury. Nestle had offered to settle for $100,000, while Mr. Christoff thought a fair share was more like $8.5 million. Nestle will appeal. ...

For those of you with hard-to-shop-for parents, you may want to consider botox injections. It is important first to make sure that the last will and testament is in order and life insurance policies are up-to-date. What price beauty? ...

Say you're in Manhattan and you have $800 burning a hole in your pocket, what would you do with it? Splurge on theatre tickets for you and 9 friends? Maybe see if someone canceled at Per Se and grab the nine-course chef's tasting menu for four and throw in a few bottles of great wine to round the bill off? Pshaw! If you really, really, really want to do something egregiously elite, get a haircut. Yes, where else but New York could you walk into a salon and hand over the equivalent of a brand new PC with a flat screen monitor...

Kmart is going to buy up Sears, Roebuck & Co. for $11 billion, creating the third largest retail chain after Wal-Mart and Home Depot. The merger shoves Targét into fourth place. Both Kmart and Sears have been moneylosers for some time, mostly as a result of humungoud Wal-Mart and its abaility to undercut other retailers by getting goods cheaper based on its sheer size. Wal-Mart, when reached for comment, merely belched and laughed and rolled over, crushing several thousand locally-owned businesses, Safeway, Kroger and narrowly missing Costco. ...

Well, the cluetrain has left the station, and Apple wasn't on board. They're basically saying that they went ahead and reviewed their products for you, and guess what? ... they're all GREAT! So, go ahead and throw them a bone; write your own review (which they will then edit and/or reject). Let me offer a full disclaimer: I have never owned a mac, so most of my anti-Apple sentiment comes from the horrendous experience I've had with my iPod (the 40G one that came out last xmas -- you know, the one with the hyper-sensitive buttons, zero battery life, and shoddy...

Read the item description to learn just why this man is selling his ex-wife's motorcycle helmet on eBay. I just wish everyone would write such elaborate stories when they sll items, eBay could easily be the ultimate entertainment and shopping destination site if there were more auctions like these. ...

Ready for your weekly "Ick!"? Okay, how about this: in an attempt to create "victimless leather," a duo in Australia are growing a jacket from living tissue made from mouse and human cells. It looks kind of like a pork coat, and though it's currently barely big enough for Barbie's metrosexual boyfriend, they hope to develop the process to be able to create a semi-living stitchless jacket that you and I could wear. Well, you, anyway. The pair have a lot of time on their hands, apparently. They also have grown semi-living worry dolls and pigs with wings because, you know, why...