The Empty Olympics The Ex-Ex-Vee-Eye-Eye-Eye Summer Olympics Games kicked off, but almost no one showed up. Stadiums are mostly empty for teh prelimiinary events and the International Olympics Committee is telling Athens to fill up those seats--for free if necessary. And who's winning big so far. Well, it's not the U.S.A. China currently leads in overall medals, the US "Dream Team" is double-dribbling its way to a dramatic and resounding thud, and swimmer Michael Phelps' goal of 8 golds is not to be, and he'll need to win every race he has left to match Mark Spitz's record 7 golds. Otherwise, hey, cool,...

Mutant German baby in No. 1 weekend movie; Cheney uses potty mouth. A 4½-year-old Superboy with a protein deficiency is teaching scientists a thing or two about the connection between having huge muscles and President Bush in this weekend's hit movie, "Fahrenheit Superbaby." The documentary chronicles the President's connection to Osama bin Laden, the child of German athletes who also planned the attacks on the United States. Reviewers have generally given the film two thumbs up. Vice President Richard "My Name is Dick" Cheney told them to fuck themselves. (more...)...