Author Archives: Lance Arthur
Kindness
I recently turned another year older, and it was one of those zero-birthdays that occurs every ten years and has a zero at the end of its anniversary. I haven’t lived as long as some and certainly didn’t manage to … Continue reading
Posted in Listening to Myself Think
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Starting Over
It has been at least ten years since I wrote anything here, or anywhere really. If there is something out there other than an old tweet, which there shouldn’t be considering I stopped using Twitter shortly after the Cheeto-skinned asshole … Continue reading
Posted in Daily Doldrums
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Laws of the 21st Century
It has come to our attention that the United States Supreme Court is of the opinion that corporations should be enjoying “free speech” rights, but only as far as contributing to political candidates and causes. It is perhaps an unsurprising … Continue reading
Posted in Daily Doldrums
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The Offense of the Defense of Marriage
In a recent episode of Futurama, the professor is faced with a group protesting the teaching of evolution in school. The protest is lead by an orangutan, Dr. Banjo, who claims that if evolution (which is just a theory “like … Continue reading
Posted in Shut up Bitch!
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The Toilet Saga
There’s nothing we like better than a well-written book, and there is nothing like a well-written book inside the runaway bestselling ode to chastity and the most boring girlfriend in the world known as Twilight, by some weepy-eyed hack living … Continue reading
Posted in Daily Doldrums
Tagged asinine, bad writing, Bella, Edward, Jacob, kill me now, Team Me, Twilight, vampires, werewolves
1 Comment
Bad Ads
Watching TV means watching advertising, just like going online means racist comments from homophobes. You just have to put up with them, and will occasionally be forced to watch some really poor examples of what the marketing departments and ad … Continue reading
Posted in Shut up Bitch!
Tagged AT&T, bitch, Chase Sapphire, Christo, rip-off, Routan, stupid, sucks, VW, whore
2 Comments
How to Insult the One Percent
It has come to our attention that Helen Thomas has fired herself from her job for insulting the entire Jewish community by stating that they should get the hell out of Palestine and go somewhere else like Poland or Germany. … Continue reading
Apro pos of nothing: Brodyquest!
Posted in Daily Doldrums
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Unconfirmed Rumors
Stevebot is cheap, because only the head and hands need to be “human,” everything else is covered up with denim and black turtlenecks. He only needs to move around a little on a stage, and sometimes appear at coffee shops with other corporate executive bots. Meanwhile, Stevebot frees up the real Steve to do all the more important things like destroy historic homes and park in handicapped spots. Continue reading
Posted in Daily Doldrums
Tagged Apple, genius, idiot, iPad, iPhone, iYou, Steve Jobs
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Facepeople
Who said you had to be on Facebook in the first place? And what business is it of yours what the hell they do with their own services? What, you want your money back? You thought all this time they were like some “everything should be free!” zombies using Linux on home-built computers made of weed and Slurpee cups? Continue reading
Posted in Daily Doldrums
Tagged douche bag, Mark Zuckerberg, privacy, Slurpees, stupidity, weed, whining
1 Comment